Take this at face(book) value

My goal of actually posting anything on this blog is obviously not. being. met.
Mostly, this is facebook's fault. Like everyone else in the world, I signed up for facebook. Sure, I posted a few photos at the beginning - maybe even a status update. When I'm feeling crazy, I might even comment on someone else's status update. But here is the reality:
I FUCKING HATE FACEBOOK.

Seriously. I really do. I'll get it on it everyday - sometimes more than once, get pissed off, be annoyed at what people have written, swear that I'm going to close my account, and then......get back on the next day. All the while, saying to myself, that my energy could be spend on writing on my blog. And my energy could really be spent on that. Lots and lots of energy. So, I think it's time that someone gives me a slap in the face(book) and I call it quits. But first, let me get some thoughts about facebook off of my chest.......

1. Friending is shady business and a little junior high school. I have "friends" that I haven't seen in 15 years and that I still don't communicate with since we've been "reconnected" - (thanks facebook for the "reconnection" - waiting for you to email me my warm and fuzzies). If I only had my actual "real life" friends on facebook - then it would say "Chalubee has 10 friends".
That is a sad reality, but I'm pretty sure that most of these people would show up at my funeral.
The rest of my facebook "friends"? They would still think I was alive and well and reading their status updates. I think I should put something in my will that requires someone to update my status to "deceased" - that would be great. And then people could comment about being sad (or thrilled, as the case may be), or just generally surprised like "Hey, I didn't know you died! That sucks!" And facebook would be too busy to delete my account and I could be immortal on the internet. I think a profile picture of my casket would be awesome.

2. Facebook should be called "Twofaced-book". You know you don't like half of the people you have "friended" or accepted requests from. And you are probably saying all kinds of rude stuff about them, behind their back, and not to their face(book). Or...maybe that's just me.

3. People are fucking retarded. And I apparently needed to be reminded of this at least once a day. Really, 99% of status updates are just word farts. Christ. I just shake my head at most of them.

4. If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. And this, my friends, is where I get totally screwed. BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING NICE TO SAY. So, I don't. And that's why I don't have any status updates.

But I could be posting all kinds of mean crap on my blog....

Take it from the top

I really have no idea what to write about, which makes setting up this whole “blog” kind of pointless. I need some direction. So, I thought I would come up with a list of goals, questions and possible topics for “Chalubee” and go from there. Go chalubee.

I’d like to write about things I find amusing. Even if no one else thinks they are.
Like the Fat Boy Slim dance routine from the video for “Praise You.” This is my b-boy posse.

I might write some posts about something serious, although I can’t think of what these topics might be.

Write some posts on things other people might find helpful. Like how to clean off the permanent marker picture of a penis and ball sack the neighborhood kids drew on your storage shed located right next to your kid’s swing set.

Settle some disputes with my husband.
- One: I did not have “boobs” when I was eight. That is just the way the bathing suit fit.
- Two: Wendy’s does (did) not make flavored frostys. There is (was) only one flavor. When I ask for a frosty, don’t ask me, “Chocolate or vanilla?”
F Dave Thomas for making this confusing with the whole introduction of “flavored frostys.”

Figure out if I will write stuff that has to do with my family. Figure out if I will tell my family I have a website. This should go under “serious posts.” Or “things that will make me constipated.”

Posts pictures of my children. Because, really, who else is going to do this?

Decide if I will use swear words in my posts. Or if I will just use abbreviations (see number 5). In fact, maybe I will write a post about abbreviations I often use for swear words. Is this a universal language? It should be.

Write about things I like. This list of topics would almost be as long as the list of topics of things I don’t like.

Answer some questions. Or the phone. If it rings.

Have fun.

I think I’m moving in the right direction.

Actually decent at kickball or at least kicking balls.

School is hard enough without feeling like you're the unpopular, overweight kid with acne or no legs and no one wants to pick you for their kickball team.

Class went to a new level of degradation last night when there was an impromptu forming of groups for a presentation. It may not have helped that I didn't make eye contact with anyone, but still? To be one of the last four people out of 25 to have to raise their hands "because they weren't in a group?" FML. It was bad. I felt like I was relegated to the short bus.

Today I am feeling slightly less annoyed (but no more politically correct) and the ride on the short bus has been productive. I just finished my group's presentation and emailed it off -

Take that bitches!

Score!